Social 4(SO4)

Envy in the Social Sphere

The social instinct combined with the type 4 gives us a character which is mainly characterized by shame. This subtype feels distress for not living up to social ideals, they compare themselves to others around them and find themselves lacking. This constant feeling of shame weirdly manifests as in an attachment to suffering, often these people are shy and end up lamenting and blaming themselves. They don't feel like they're enough and they feel like they've done something wrong, often taking the role of the victim and focusing on their own inferiority. However, it is important to note that people of this type often prefer to "swallow their poison" instead of lashing out on others, contrasting them with the SX4. They are constantly searching for love in the world they feel like they'll never find which leads them into a constant state of suffering and often being at the mercy of the other.

Ichazo titled SO4 "Shame", a distress at not living up to ideals, a character full of self-deprecation and a need for accompanying the frustration of love lost in childhood. Naranjo describes this subtype as someone who wants to elevate what they envy above themselves and beautify it, as if they were allowing themselves to be swallowed up by the painful beauty they conceive or perceive.

Trait Structure

Imaginative and Creative

The emotional, sensitive, and introspective aspect allows you to more easily access your creative and imaginative side.From an early age, he likes to console himself and entertain himself in fantastic and dreamlike worlds in which his imagination allows him to compensate for the great inhibition he feels in real life. This imaginary world that he has created and in which he somehow believes will be able to materialize in the future, serves him to metabolize everyday reality.Poetry, art, and music become channels of expression to the outside.

Sensible

Low self-esteem and the need to defend yourself from others lead you to reject criticism or behaviors that challenge you.Their gaze perpetually directed to the outside world and the continuous comparison he makes with himself lead him to give a subjective reading and interpretation of what happens; the slightest criticism annihilates him, he feels that he has given a lot, more than the others, he finds himself again without recognition. In addition, since it is difficult for him to express his opinion directly for fear of being hurt or conflicted, he expects the same from others (understanding, empathy).

Romantic

For this character, life is hard, difficult and sad, but it is characterized by a romantic feeling inside. Thanks to his romanticism, the world becomes lighter and more bearable, it is as if he added a note or a touch of color to so much pain.The romantic vision that he harbors within him is expressed in the world through poetry, music, and the search for positive living situations and opportunities. It is as if he did not resign himself to the harsh reality through his romantic aspect. It is as if through romance he sweetened a bitter pill.

Passive-aggressive and Self-destructive

He is not allowed to express anger, he always represses hatred. Showing hatred for his mother (or father) would be tantamount to losing her, something no child could afford. So he learned to repress his hatred and swallow it, he began to hate himself believing himself defective, unworthy of love, guilty of not being loved, in order to save his mother. The parental anger you experienced in childhood is too destructive and distressing.

Introspective

The closure, the isolation in which he takes refuge as a child, and in which he grows up, somehow leads him to spend a lot of time in contact with himself, listening to and analyzing himself, doing with himself what no one did when he was a child.Pain and contact with suffering continually stimulate him to study himself and to investigate his inner dynamics. He longs to get out of his suffering and has to continually face it, but he does not believe that this can be done by acting or making decisions in his own life. Instead, he prefers an interior movement of study and analysis of how he is, what he feels and why.

Reserved

He is extremely private, and only talks about himself and his intimate experience with very few people, as he does not trust others to understand him. Since childhood he has experienced not being understood, not being seen, having the feeling that no one is aware of his needs, and therefore, as an adult, he has no faith that there is someone who can understand him deeply.

Feminine

Delicate, sweet, and languid. It poses in a delicate and tender way, and therefore also in the masculine social E4, the characteristics of listening, welcoming, understanding, caring, as well as a friendly physiognomy in which the smile, a manifestation of benevolence towards the world, is always insisted as a background note. There is no trace of aggressiveness or attack in him, but of sweetness and tenderness.

Gentle

He is always kind, expresses himself in soft ways and approaches, as he wants to avoid conflicts and losses. Use kindness to please the other, try to avoid behaviors that can provoke or irritate. She has learned to stand on her toes in the world, to try to prevent or avoid the parent's mood swings or attacks, and thus has learned since childhood that this soft way is what works best for her in the relationship.

Comprehensive

Willing to understand the motives of others, strong empathy combined with fear of abandonment and conflict makes you lenient and benevolent towards the motives and reasons of others. He tends to put himself in the place of the other, he justifies his actions even in situations in which he is humiliated or is not seen, he has difficulties with separation, as well as in primary relationships. From a young age he learns that it is better not to express his opinion or clearly what he wants because this creates a distance with his parents. Thus he learns to understand them, to justify them.

Lazy and Procrastinator

You are recalcitrant about committing and lazy about getting a task done. He tends to postpone his execution because he always feels that he is not up to the task and very often he believes that he is incapable or that he does not do it to the best of his ability. Fear of failure paralyzes you. Obviously, this is closely related to low self-esteem and lack of confidence in their own abilities. No one ever believed in him; as a child he was not only not encouraged, but which, on the contrary, was devalued. His procrastination is linked to the need to do things as perfectly as possible, even beyond. He does not admit mistakes to himself and this requires him in the actions that he then undertakes enormous energy to complete the task.

Criticism and Self-disqualification

He is critical and disqualifying both with himself and with others. He tends to be critical of himself because it is the experience he has had. It has been heavily criticized, disqualified. To the extent that he compares himself with others and in order not to be completely annihilated by the superiority of others, he tends to have a critical look and to express, not directly, disapproval, negative judgments about the other, his way of being, or to work. So the criticism of the other is born of an attempt to survive, not to be completely crushed by the comparison with the outside world.

Sadness and Suffering

He is sad and suffers from a young age, even before he is aware of it; when he becomes an adult he continues to drag this suffering, since he remains attached to that need to receive that has never been satisfied. His attention does not shift, he does not find compensation in life because it is as if he is still waiting for that love. There is a part of him that is obstinate in not wanting to give her up and that is why he does not learn to give himself the love that he did not receive in childhood. Thus, love becomes something sublime, inaccessible, almost impossible to find and experience.

Proud

He reacts superbly to an offense and a wound, in the sense that in order to defend himself he creates a distance with the other, or he even leaves, separates, becomes cold and distant. He does not back down, he resists his suffering without showing it and confuses pride with strength, he has the illusion that through pride he can protect himself. It retriggers the wound in the same way that it hurts the most.

Shy

You like to be social and need others, but you tend to hide and find it difficult to expose yourself, especially in a new and wide social context. Shyness is due to an excessive concern for the judgment of others, the perception of being inferior to others and a feeling of inadequacy. From a very young age he experiences the weight of being judged, often being asked to be different than he was or to better fit the context. You develop an excessive tendency to focus on your inner world of thoughts, emotions, and behavior.

Pessimistic and Distrustful

You perceive the world as dangerous and unpredictable, so you tend to always see the negative side of things and situations. Through his pessimism he believes he can anticipate and control the pain he will feel when something bad happens, because he is sure it will! He has no confidence in the course of events or even in himself, this becomes functional to remain passive and withdrawn, and at the same time to be able to complain and suffer.

Insecure

He has the constant doubt that his actions or words can lead to difficult or irremediable situations, and that they can lead him to disappoint the other and be abandoned by him; this, of course, makes him very insecure. As a child, the father corrected his actions a lot or even criticized him often, which made him insecure and hesitant, especially when it came to taking the initiative or acting instinctively.

Complain and Claim

He complains about small things, he is impatient. Need to continually express and externalize dissatisfaction (I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I'm bored). Through the complaint he seeks attention and confirmation that another is available and sees him. Complaining is also their way of feeling the other person is present in the relationship, it is a bit like a thermometer to check that they are always there, that they have not gone away. However, in situations where he is really hurt or has a real deep need, he tends to withdraw and not share, because he thinks that no one will be able to help him. The emptiness and anguish he feels are indescribable; he doesn't feel like he can trust anyone, he distrusts others and life so much that he thinks that no one can really help him in the face of so much pain (and, above all, that there is nothing he can do to stop it). It is as if he were desperate, exhausted. He also feels shame wash over him; showing yourself in such pain in front of the other person makes you feel enormous shame and E4 feels even more miserable.

Silence

It is silent, it tends not to make noise, not to be noticed, not to bother. To be accepted, one must not disturb the other, not disturb one's own mother, and for this reason, as an adult, one tends to be silent, not to interfere with the atmosphere of the environment, not to be seen by the other.

Altruistic and Helpful

Being helpful and helping arises in the subject from the idea that love must be deserved, that it is not free. He has learned that in order to be loved, he must earn that love in some way and that is why, when something is asked of him, he spontaneously puts himself at the service of the other person. In addition, he has experienced the feeling of need and, therefore, it is as if he somehow knows from within the feeling of the one who needs help, and being clearly empathetic, it is automatic for him to go to the other. Finally, we must add to tell him that he finds it difficult not to do someone's request. Backing away makes him uncomfortable; when he does, he feels that he is in danger of losing something, perhaps of losing the other person or of being abandoned.

Hypersensitive

It is extremely sensitive to loud noises, raised tones of voice, and sudden gestures. It is as if he had developed in his existence a sense of constant danger, as if he was constantly on the alert when exposed to the danger of being attacked and therefore reacts with jerks. Sometimes even with excessive vocal emissions in reaction to environmental stimuli that may arise suddenly.

Jealous

He is jealous of his partner, but he can also be jealous of other beings he loves, even friends. His jealousy comes from the fear that someone else will be preferred over him, since that is the experience he had as a child, when he felt ignored compared to his brothers. Furthermore, this fear is made even more vivid by the fact that he has developed a lack of self-confidence and is therefore convinced that another person can be much more interesting than he is in the eyes of his beloved.

Empathic

He has a great ability to put himself in another's place, to live his emotional experience. This attitude is supported by his sensitivity and emotionality. In addition, empathizing with others allows you to feel useful in the relationship. Empathy unites the other and removes the feeling of guilt for not intervening or helping.

Claudio Naranjo's Social 4 Description

E4 Social – Shame

The contrasts between the E4 character types are the most striking, since its different subtypes seem more differentiated than in the other passions. When I explain this topic in Spanish, I usually say that there are “sufferers, long-suffering and insufferable”. The sufferers are the social fours.

The social E4 is a person who complains too much, is very tearful and often puts himself in the role of a victim. In the DSM-IV, a category of person given to self-sabotage is suggested. The characteristic pointed out by Ichazo for this character is shame, which descriptively seems to me to be a success but it is not enough to describe a neurotic need. Certainly, these are people who underestimate themselves, and therefore feel less than others. But how do you explain why these people are so given to self-blame and to comparing themselves unfavorably with others?

The answer, it seems to me, is found in what Melanie Klein called the depressive position, through which the boy or girl prefers to blame himself instead of unloading his rage against the mother, whom he needs exaggeratedly. In a similar way, we can consider that the social E4 is one who prefers to swallow his own poison instead of externalizing it towards the loved ones; he has learned to introject his aggression in view of an exaggerated affective dependence.